Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Damn it feels good to be a NINJA

Ninjas rule. I know it. You know it. Quentin Tarantino knows it. Thus his bajillion dollar Kill Bill franchise. Which brings me to point
A) Ninja Movies- where have they been and where are they going...also now, where are they now.
   subpoint A. I don't know how to do "points" so bear with me, if anything my battle with grammar and punctuation will be amusing.
        postsubpoint A. Just kidding, let's get back on track and screw the points.
So I'm gonna start my assessment with a little movie I like to call (as does its director and the guy who came up with its name) Ninja Assassin. Ninja movies are notorious for their sub-par plots salvationed by fight scenes that cause you bodily harm from being so awesome that you recreate them in your kitchen or garage with brooms that you break in half to serve as fighting staffs or fake nunchaku you treat as real nunchaku. Some bad ideas just feel sooooo gooood. But in Ninja Assassin I not only found a movie filled with enviable wall bouncing and chainlink knife swinging debauchery, but a pretty awesome idea as well. A rogue ninja who assassinates others ninjas? I'm sorry I didn't prelude that with SPOILER ALERT but if you can't infer that from the title then <insert joke about your obliviousness here>. I was pretty impressed with a plot that includes the irony of ninja vs. ninja, a misplaced heart (true spoiler suckas), and the ever needed ninja vendetta. Albeit there was a sub-par love story in there somewhere but I was practicing my spinning bird kicks through that noise. He needed someone to avenge right? Might as well be the girl who oh boo hoo can't hack it at ninja camp. It also leads me to believe that there are more ninja movies like these to come. I just high fived myself as should you. Movie makers are now giving us our cake AND letting us eat it.
Maybe I'm just a douche but as much as I enjoyed Iron Monkey my freshman year of high school, even then I wanted a little more than the cliche family avenger. However, I can't be too harsh because there is something truly magical about old timey black and white ninja movies. They completely transport you to another realm that is absolutely unlike your own. So they rule in their own right.
Then we get a little further down the line to visual beauties like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Hero. This marks the point in time when my happy dance was invented. It's a series of kicks and dance punches in case you queried. I cried in a very non-ninja like fashion during both films due to the intensely gorgeous imaging and crazy sad stories. So as far as going goes, I think ninja movies are on the right track, aging like a fine wine that can kill you in 70,000,000 ways. Proving my theory that life just keeps getting better in this genre is the fact that I got exactly what I wanted in a ninja movie except that a lot of people could argue that its not actually a ninja movie. Christmas morning joy is felt every time I witness

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

yeah, it needs it's own subspace. I literally need three more blog posts the length of this blog post to gush properly about this epic movie of all movies. But I won't. All I will say is that a movie that combines ninjas, comic book and video games references and imagery, Michael Cera, that one guy from Phantom Planet, and hilarious dialogue...op yep I peed a little.
I was gonna write more but this is soooo long and if you're attention span is anything like

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