Monday, May 30, 2011

An Ode to a Robot

I'd like to preface by saying...this is gonna get gross. And by gross I mean, it involves feelings of the goopy, mushy, kissy foo foo kind. Bleck, I know. I hate it too. But that's a minimal percent I promise. Still 90% kickassery and 5% made up words, with the left over 5% being the goop of which I speak.

So I met a boy, through two friends, through an awesome Victorian 4plex apartment where many lives were changed. We met on Halloween when I was dressed as Punk Rock Red (my own take on Little Red Riding Hood that involved black leather hiking books and fingerless gloves) and he as Brett from Flight of the Conchords (double swoon). He even came fully loaded with a guitar and ample knowledge of the FOTC playlist. He played, I sang, and one fateful picture was taken of the two of us posing with the guitar, his expression goofily happy and mine on the brink of "full rock out" mode (It is now on our fridge). A mismatched yet charming pair of strangers. And that was it...for a long time. It wasn't love at first sight or even second or third awkward high five hello while passing in the doorways. It was acquaintances bordering on mild friendship. Our mutual friendships put us in the same room for holidays, parties, and special occasions and enough conversations had been had to know that this was a stand up guy with a sense of humor so ridiculously hilarious that not everyone is cool enough to get it. And watching the people who don't get it, react to it, icing on the cake. 

I learned that he gave guitar and piano lessons for a living, so I sacked up and asked for a few guitar lessons in exchange for ...well, nothing I think. I think I just asked for free guitar lessons. Clearly I'm not one for manners. But fate being as it would, he obliged and came over to teach me the Harry Potter theme song, the famous asian riff that goes a little something like Dadadada-da-da-dun-dun-daa!, and various chords that I renamed to Dragon, Dumbledore, Apple, Egg, and other things that range in importance to me. I wanna say this was around the time where I became semi-smitten. I was in a "not a fan of love" phase of my life so this was a feat in and of itself. And then we went kayaking and saw a dinosaur bird and a deer and I knew then and there that whatever this was, it was made of a certain type of magic that I would be a fool not to pursue. So I did. 

This led to a long a courtship that resulted in the first holding of hands after about a month. And I'd like to remind you that this is people in their mid twenties. Also known as nerds. Ahhhh nerd love. It really is the best kind. And then came the first kiss that everyone and their mom witnessed. Clearly doorways are not made for first kisses. But all our friends get a nice, neat, hilarious memory from it so who am I to complain? 

After that it was mainly the Business of Fun that we attended to. Midnight bike rides, movies, chess, scrabble, coffee, dancing, walking, endless high fives, making up songs about the things we were currently doing (think Scrubs "Waffle Time Waffle Time, won't you have some waffles of mine?" but all the time and involving tooth brushing and everything else ever) and just so many other things that my brain gets tired thinking of them all. Because of all this, I discovered his true purpose in my life. Clearly, someone so perfect for me was nearer to an impossibility than anything else. So, being a fan of Occam's razor, I concocted this succinct little ditty. This boy was a Robot, sent from the future by Chinese scientists to kill me. Made to my exact specifications in order to dupe me into total vulnerable sicky goop love that my defenses were utterly shattered. And it worked! Oh by the hammer of Thor, did it! After discovering their evil plan I did what any sensible human being would do. I said "Well done evil scientists. I know this perfect Robot brings my doom, but ya know what? Totally. Worth it."


No comments:

Post a Comment