Monday, June 6, 2011

A Meat Eater's Vegetarian Experimonth

I love me some meat. It pleases me. I have never once in my life considered the option of being a vegetarian or vegan (vegans still scare the bejeezes out of me. Anyone with that amount of willpower should go kick it in their Fortress of Solitude with their distant cousin Kal El and leave us under achievers to our procrastination and awesome ability to disappoint those around us) so I think a lot of people who know me and my voracious meat eating habits would raise an eyebrow or two at the choice to try out vegetarianism for a month that is not in any direct relation to Lent (I don't "do" Lent but I do appreciate its comedic value at the thought of people giving up chocolate and trans fats to bring them closer to God). My Robot (if you're confused by that reference Re: Blog Below This One) used to be a vegetarian as well until my use of the word "hippie" in regards to his eating habits slowly wore him down and broke his spirit. It is to this day one of my proudest accomplishments in our relationship. Actually this whole situation plays out like the Modern Family episode where Claire goes psycho bananas on Phil for never trying anything she suggests, but when other people suggest it, it sounds exotic and exciting. As per usual Robot plays the girl and I play the clueless husband who just can't seem to get it right.


So allow me to explain myself. I have found out the hard way that I am merely a brainwashed minion for the overlords known as John and Hank Green (the Vlogbrothers of YouTube fame) and their various ambitions to Decrease World Suck and make me and the rest of Nerdfighteria better social beings. Ugh. How dare they. Their latest devious ploy on my naivety involved the challenge to be a vegetarian for just one month and see how you like it, because it decreases the suck and torture of animals. And I was like "yes. YES. THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE. I WILL DO THAT IMMEDIATELY." And then I was all rainbows and sunshine until Robot's chagrin brought me back down to the muddy realization that I am a brainwashed minion and he was my Origin of Species when it came to vegetarianism, not those distant overlords who inspire my inner workings. SO, even though I'm getting into it for all the wrong reasons and I'm like 40 years late in the game, I'm going to be a vegetarian for one month and document it.......guess..... just do it...just do a little guessin for meh...HERE. Let the meat strike BEGIN!

                    (She can finally follow her dreams now that I won't be eating her this month.)

                                                                         Day 1

-Cold, so very very cold.

Nah but for real, this is cake status.

-Asiago Bagel with Sundried Tomato Cream Cheese and Avocado plus Strawbs and Grawps (if you want to say it fancy-like)

I had...crap, what did I have for lunch? I really don't remember but I know it wasn't meat and for arguments sake we'll say it was a salad. 

I had Tofu, Broccoli, and Carrots marinated in Kung Pao sauce over Fried Rice.

If you'd like to use my recipes for your own vegetarian diet...well it doesn't really affect me, now does it? So do whatever you want, I like you just the way you are. Yes. You. I'm right behind you. Ok ok I'm not right behind you, but you should be glad that I'm not. Can you imagine how strained our relationship would be if you turned around after reading that and then BAM there I was? We'd have some real trust issues to work out. Anyway, I'll be posting semi-daily with more boring nutritional updates and sporadic jabs at society with ever charming self deprecating humor you've come to know and tolerate. Join me won't you?

Now shoo.

1 comment:

  1. try a pan fried red wine and soy sauce marinated tempeh with your favorite blend of spices (I like a good cajun blend, personally) over wild and black rice (a little tricky to make the first time, but I have full faith in you) with a side of sauteed onions and garlic with wilted kale (saute onions and garlic and for the last, like, two minutes, throw the kale on top of them in the pan and stir that around a bit).

    Not the quickest recipe, but if you have an hour, make big batch and you'll have dinner for three days.

    Wine pairing: something in the family you used to marinade.
    Beer Pairing: maybe like a Racer 5, a Sierra Nevada Amber... something one of those realms.

    P.S. If you're really lucky, I'll even teach you to make multi-nut butter. Then you can disturb all your friends by saying your eating Nut Butter. Go ahead. Just say it. "Nut. Butter." mmmmmm