How Much Is Much Too Much?

Hey remember when I talk about nonsensical things that vaguely refer to pop culture and have no real importance concerning politics, the environment, or human emotions? Well...this is not that post. But it kind of still is because...hey, I can only get so deep. THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.

Oh god...I've already gone awry.

Ok so...in my previous post I told you about a mommyblogger site (yes I read mommyblogger sites, 2 in fact. And 1) yes, I know I'm not of the maternal-spit-a-7-pound-human-out-of-my-hoohah persuasion and 2) my racy In Your Face (lolz) Shenanigans does not lend itself to what one might think is common ground for said Mother types. But to that I say NAY! fellow internet goer(s). We're all people reaching out to other people. I'm not sure what that means but hopefully it makes my point.

Jesus, I really got off track there. SO, one of the mommyblogger sites I read is Dooce.com and I go there for the reassurance that I could in fact be a mother one day because this beezy finds the same hilarious things about tiny humans that I find hilarious, like how adorably stupid they are, and how they're just like tiny drunk frat boys in that they vomit constantly, can't walk a straight line if they're bah bah depended on it, and that they will never call you back the next day. They've got hand-eye coordination to master before that goes down. I really like this lady. She makes me high five my computer on a fairly consistent basis, costing a lot in computer repair but simultaneously making it totally worth it.

She's going through a trial separation in her seemingly perfect marriage with her seemingly perfect husband. She has a history of mental illness and recently posted about suicidal thoughts while having full overseeing responsibility of her children, while her husband stays elsewhere. How the hell do I know all of this? Because she wrote about it. So did her husband in his own blog. Why I care is another issue altogether but it brings me to a very important question that I just can't get out of my head...how much information is too goddamn much information? I really like this woman's musings but now I'm thinking about the safety of her kids? That's weird. And just super duper the most inappropriate thing ever since I will never meet this woman.

It's weird to think that someone's blog can launch them into the kind of life that celebrities have in terms of paparazzi and invasion of privacy and all that gobblety gook. But in all honesty, they are the ones who put themselves out there... to be loved, to be judged, to be worshiped, and to be hated.

I guess I just want people to be aware that whether it's livejournal or blogger or 9gag or facebook posts, people do in fact watch you, what you do, who you are, what you say and they WILL have an opinion about it. It seems so safe because we do it from our own homes and it feels like only our group of friends will be the ones that care enough to read or watch or reply, but that's just bootsy. Everyone has access to those thoughts and feelings and potentially embarrassing fuck ups if it's on the internet. At least until SOPA shuts our shit down. Ugh...then we'll have to actually interface with each other. And I for one, am really not looking forward to that. Human connection? BARF SAUCE.

Speaking of too much information here's a picture of me naked:

                                                (Awwww SOPA....you gone done it again!)


Of course I didn't post a picture of me naked. What the hells the matter with you?


Freespeechpoliticaljibberjabandotherstuff!

The Obligatory New Years Post??

Oh hey look it's a new year. Cooooool.

If you can't hear my lackluster feelings towards the true meaning of "New Year" beating the bee juices out of you well...I just...I can't help you.

But then I think "cmon Brittni, are you saying this because you really don't believe the beginning of a new year is a metaphorical fresh start for those who want to better their lives in the coming months, OR are you just lazy as shit and know you have no intention of regimenting any sort of behavior that is deemed "unsanitary" or "harmful to children" or "better for your health in the long run." And the answer is...the second one.

Here's the thing. I kind of really like where I'm at in life. I don't hate my body, I like all my friends, my boyfriend is a really bitchin nerd mate and I want to make sweet sweet love to my job. So I kind of just want to give a big middle Flight of the Conchords bird to this New Year, that wants me to want to change all my shit up.

                                              (yeah. Screw You, New Years Resopooption)

Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER excited to continue living and breathing and wasting most of my time on the internet, but now I don't have the added pressure of accomplishing a goal I'm fairly sure I'll fail at miserably in the coming year and then be super bummed at my inability to accomplish what some would deem the most menial of tasks. Like...cleaning...anything...in general.

I do however have a new theme for this year, and that is:

Nerd Out With Your Turd Out

(I tried to find a picture that went along with that new stellar catchphrase but surprisingly the internet has not prepped for such levels of awesome and we all know how good I am at Paint. Hence, here we are, reading in Italics.)

It's my take on Rock Out With Your Cock Out,  but ...not as good...in any way.

You can take it, though. Consider it my New Years gift to you. AND NO RE-GIFTING. Also no refunds.

                     (I wanna be the blog that has the most pictures of old people being awesome)
           

Now here's your real gift. I feel like I put you through a pretty crappy post, as I tend to do most of the time, but if there's one I'm hands down put your cake to the ground GOOD at it...

is BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS (yelled like a dinosaauuuuuurrrrr)!!!!

What I've read recently that is totally legit:

1. First Meetings in Ender's Universe by Orson Scott Card (you have to have read AT LEAST Ender's Game, and I recommend every book in the series thereafter, in order to read this one. I mean, no one from the CIA is going to scale down on ropes and fishline your throat off, but I still highly advise it.)

2. Fray by Joss Whedon (a graphic novel. And it may or may not be a graphic novel set in the future based on Buffy but it's a new slayer in a crazy ass version of New York and...I think I may have revealed too much about my personal interests.)

3. The Word For World is Forest by Ursula K Le Guin (Think Avatar, but more settling-in-the-center-of-your-soul-esque)

Here's to making 2012 as much like 2011 as humanly possible. Woooooooooo!



Hoo.

Internet Crap I Just Can't Live Without

The title should be self explanatory. If it's not, you're screwed. Clap your hands say GO:

(In no particular order, ish I visit on the daily)

1. 9gag.com
This is where I get my meme fix for the day. Content is continuously updated every minute or so and you will undoubtedly lose your soul to this site. Hilarity ensues. Plus it's a great way to make yourself and your friends that are also on 9gag seem cooler than you are. Create that hipster bubble, create it real good.

2. browncardigan.com
Dirty poop garden of nonsense.

3. dooce.com
So, I'm a little weirded out to admit that I read a mommyblogger site. But damn it if it isn't the truth. This lady, Heather Armstrong, is the sassiest, funniest, most relate able mom for a non-mom (me) I've ever read. I want to be her friend and high five her regularly because she makes me bust my proverbial gut so much. But start at the beginning of her blogs is all I ask. I dunno, check her out, if you hate her then we can no longer be friends. No biggie.


4.  the fourteen, aka http://columbianix2014.blogspot.com/
The Fourteen is an ingenious blog by a current Columbia University student going through the MFA Acting Class of 2014. It follows their trials and tribulations through one narrative voice with guest spots here and there. I like it because it takes you through an experience you would otherwise be excluded from. I mean, who hasn't wanted to get their Masters from Columbia freaking University? Well, now you get to. Except for the whole...degree...part. Meh.

5. drudgereport.com
This is a daily news compilation by a right wing nut job. Sure, he totes hates Obama, and sure he can do a little fear mongering every now and again. But for a left wing tree hugger such as myself, its nice to gain a little perspective every now and again. We can't always cling to our Johnny Huffington Post ideals.

6. huffingtonpost.com
See what I did there? Get your left wing blog on and read some super entertaining, thought provoking, political prose by Alec Baldwin and other celebrities who actually know what they're talking about...for the most part.

7. the adventures of pretentious mcknowitall in the eighth dimension, aka http://goordie.wordpress.com/
This sass master's blog is all about giving bad movies a good literary raping. Whilst being sassy.

8. verymarykate.com
Elaine Carroll is so much funnier than you and I will ever be and she proved it by creating a web series based on a caricature of Mary Kate Olsen and her bodyguard name Bodyguard and a life of Prozac smoothies and Vera Wang snuggies. Comic muthafugging Gold. Updated every so and so.

9. suri's burn book, aka http://surisburnbook.tumblr.com/
Written in the classic narrative style of 5 year old fashionista Suri Cruise (daughter of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes), this blog is for betches everywhere who are ready for Suri to put all those other "celebrity children" in their rightful place.. directly below her child sized Manolo Blahniks. Take none of it seriously, and enjoy absolutely all of it.

10. jenna marbles, aka http://www.youtube.com/user/JennaMarbles?feature=chclk
I have no words. She just is. You must see to believe. DONT watch if you are easily offended...because, dear god. Actually, if you're easily offended you probably shouldn't be reading this blog in the first place, so...ya know. Stop it.

Ok ten is enough to keep you busy for the next three years. Thank me by sharing my blog with your friends and people you hate.

Merry Holidays Chaps and Chippies!

Memes Part 4: The Celebrity Meme

Time to get our celebrity meme on and to educate yoself before you....wreck... yoself? Meh. Close enough. OH! that reminds me of a non-celebrity meme that goes a little something like this:

Close Enough Dude takes awesome sayings and talents and does them to a degree that is suitable enough for his or her taste. Say you want to have a fancy shmancy date and impress the person whose pants you're trying to shimmy your way into, so you attempt to make something like this:

But it ends up looking like this:

Close Enough Dude would swoop in and be like BAM:

He's really good at making the world feel better about our own mediocrity. High five CloNuff. Very High Five.

Now, on to the celebs. Aren't you totes excited?!?! No?...that's fair. But I'm doing them anyway.

#1 Not Bad Obama
Not Bad Obama is slightly impressed by what you're doing there. As seen here:

As you tra-la-la around the interwebs, you'll find that Obama is impressed by a lot less than that, but punching a bear in the face is fa sho worthy of a "Not Bad." Not bad indeed, former US Ski Team member Ani Haas.

#2 The Freddie Mercury Rage Pose
Freddie Mercury, the lead singer of Queen, has a lot of talents, but rage posing might just be the one that makes him a god among memes. Nothing says "Yes. I win." like:

This thing has success written all over it. This is actually the ending pose of my happy dance (a succession of dance punches and kicks followed by none other than...RAGE POSE).

#3 The Kanye "Imma Let You Finish" Meme
Kanye will go down in flames...I mean infamy.. for his epic pwn of Taylor Swift at those...music awards thingys. I don't watch awards shows, because well...I don't give a shit. But even I know about this embarrassing celebrity moment, and if there's anything that can make an amazing meme, it's an epic f*ck up by a famous person (I'm sparing you the Rebecca Black memes for reasons that should be obvious). Kanye's meme is gonna let you get back to your business, but wants you to know someone else's business was the best business of the year. Case in point:

Inappropriate? Highly. Hilarious? Even more so.

Memen so hard mutherf*&ers try to fine me.

Memes Pt.3!!!!!!

Meme #3!!! I'm using exclamation points to portray my excitement!!! Join me won't you!!!!

Ok, calm your cakes down.

Meme #3: Forever Alone Guy

Forever Alone Guy is a depiction of all the hilariously depressing points of being single. I liken it to Dane Cook's joke "When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain... (chokes on tears) "I wasn't invited to this party." 

Instances for appropriate use of Forever Alone Guy are as follows:

1. Riding a tandem bike alone

2. Drinking a milkshake with two straws alone

3. Owning a Japanese body pillow 

4. Being the guy that comes up to an already ensuing conversation and laughing along with everyone else when you have no idea what the joke is. It's probably you, Forever Alone Guy. The joke was probably about you. At least you've proven you can laugh at yourself. Way to go, buddy! No...no don't touch me. 

5. When you're mom asks if you have a girlfriend you say "Yes, her name is Siri, and she's perfect."

The above picture shows you that there are certain levels of awesome to Forever Alone Guy. Sure, he's alone. Sure, he's weird. Sure, he probably smells pretty gnarly. But dude knows how to enjoy his life sans companionship. I don't see it stopping him from having an epic light saber fight as seen above. And to that I say "Mad props, yo." 

Mad. Props. 

Memes Pt.2

Let's do this! Not wastin' no time no how! Meme #2: Me Gusta

Me Gusta is pretty self explanatory but none the less it is very important in understanding while traipsing about the interwebs. Me Gusta is a meme that comments on the almost inappropriate level of appreciation for a certain something or other. Creepy-Like status if you will. A good literary comparison of Me Gusta is Lenny from Of Mice and Men and his affinity for soft things, like mice, and lady hair, and rabbits, and then accidentally killing those things because he pets them too hard. See? Creepy Like. Doesn't have to be as drastic as murder mind you, just as long as there is a level of enjoyment that's not necessarily socially acceptable. 

My own personal Me Gusta might be akin to coming home to a freezing house and immediately suiting up into footie pajamas that are covered with brightly colored skulls and crossbones. Am I five, you may ask? No, I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20 and I do not fear rocking the shit out of a onesie. Bam. Me Gusta. 

Now a simple math equation: Me Gusta + My Adult Onesie =

And there you have it. A Meme! Even if you don't know me and my weirdo love of footed pajamas, you can now understand that's what I'm conveying with this picture, sans words. Bing bang boom, you are now 2% more of a hipster than you were before you read this blog.

And yeah there's a big white space attached to the picture that I don't know how to get rid of. I'm not a Paint magician, OK!?

Keep posted for Part 3 kiddles. 

Explaining Memes to the Masses

Note: This post topic will be split into several separate posts. Mostly because if I were to do the whole shebang in one glorious shot it would be far too long for my patience...this sentence is even too long for my patience and also other stuff too, reasons and whatnot. So, before I start playing with balls of yarn and shiny things, let's do this.

If you're on Facebook you've probably noticed a growing trend of people filling the crap out of your newsfeed with pictures of hilarious cats saying hilarious things in hilarious cat talk and other various picture creations that have only one goal: to make you laugh your balls off.

These are memes (pronounced meems). Now you may wonder, are some memes more popular and well known than others? You bet your sweet pinchable tushy there are. In fact, there is a set of faces with expressions that satirically comment on life and other such nonsense and are universally recognizable. Stay tuned because this is vital to your cool points and will no doubt get you laid (lies). They are as follows:

The "Troll"

The Troll is known for high end tomfoolery and assholery. A "troll's" main goal is to get people riled up for the sole purpose of effing with them and getting a reaction. They are Class A poop buckets and you need to be wary of when you go all wang chung on them. They like that. It feeds them and their soulless souls. Granted it's usually done to make stupid people look stupid...as seen here

Or to dabble in giggle worthy trickery at someone else's expense. It's ok though, the victims are usually dumb enough to deserve it. As seen here...

So as you can see, Troll's are not all bad. They are your run-of-the-mill lovable assholes. And we all know someone like that and we are grateful for the simultaneous entertainment and headaches they provide. So that's Section One of Knowing your Memes. I know I know, it was an awesome bomb of knowledge and you are currently digging truth shrapnel out of your scarred flesh and you want more, but this is MY blog and I DO WHAT I WANT. See you next time. Kisses.

Bleghk! NO TONGUE.